Yeah I know it's been like a whole month? Sorry about that, it's just my life is super boring these days couse I'm staying at home most of my time, not doing anything in my summer. Interesting right?
Well not really, all I'm actually doing is reading book and wattpad stories, day-dreaming about my future, what I want to be, and what I can actually do and be. Yeah I wanna be well known, helping others, and be good inspiration to the world but not everything you want to be comes true, right? And anyways, I wanna get married, and have like 3 kids? I know we are 5 kids in my house, and I have no idea how mom handle us, but I don't think I will be able to do that. But before that I want to have some time with my husband, doing nothing pretty much at home, just cuddling and talking about the most random things ever. That's one of the reasons I wanna get married you know, to have someone to cuddle with all the time? How amazing is that?
Someone to hold you, tell you everything will be okay, whisper in your ears " I love you " before you sleep, as cheesy as it sounds, i think it is one of the most amazing things anyone can do. Telling you how much you mean to them.
You see, I really need someone to hold me tight right now, I don't know why? I just feel like I need someone to show me that they will always be there for me, you know? I tried the pillow, but it won't work. It's not comfortable, my family? Well I'm not going to cuddle with any of my brothers, and my little sister, yeah it works for a while but I want someone bigger than me, if you know what I mean. Someone who when he/she hugs me I will feel safe, protected, and hat nothing wrong will happen as long as I'm sitting there. Yeah your little sister won't be able to do that, my mom? Well I tried, I sat next to her for like 15 minutes and tried to talk to her, but she was busy with her phone talking to her friends. As for my dad, well we don't usually cuddle nor hug, so it would be weird, even though when we do it would be super safe. But anyways he is out of town, and I really can't wait until he comes. Yeah I'm the daddy's girl, but that's not why I want him to come faster, I really miss him. I know I don't tell him that, or show him, but that's true.
I tried to contact some of my friends who I like taking to them, and I feel like being myself, so I tried Juan, he is the best listener and he always says and I'm quoting him " Don't worry, everything will be okay!" I know he says it way too much, and I make fun of it, but it somehow relaxes me, knowing that someone actually thinks everything will turns out to be good. But he didn't reply, he said he was going to Puerto Rico in summer, so I guess that's where he is, and that's why he didn't reply.
I also tried Ahamd, well he was surprised that I emailed him, but oh well, he doesn't open that much, so it is kinda slow contact thing but I'm okay with it. It still better than nothing right?
As for Xariana, well I texted her once and she didn't reply, I texted her again after couple days, asking her if she was going to our school summer kick-off and she said no, and after that she never texted me, you see usually I text her once, and we talk. After that with couple days, she texts me, and I text back, after couple days I re-text her, and so on. But now that she never texts first, I don't want to be the one who starts it every time you know? I would look like a stalker.
And well, my old friends I don't feel the same next to them anymore, it feels like there is way too much space between us now, and they thinks I wouldn't understand because I'm far away or something. And the one who wants to talk to me so badly, I act like a bitch and ignore her, I know it is not a good thing, it is just she is turning to a stalker, who wants me to talk to her all the time, and tell her all about my day and all that crap. The thing is, if I was in Syria, I wouldn't mind that at all, because I would have something to tell. Here I have nothing, and besides I am not talking to that many people, some days I barley talk to my own family. Which makes it really hard for me to communicate with others, which it was never a problem with me, but now it is. And it sucks!
Also, one direction will be in Atlanta in less than two weeks, which is very exciting if you had tickets to their concert, or if your parents would let you and your friends to go and fangirl over them all the way. So I guess it is kinda obvious that my parents are not that kind, and they would never let me go the concert, even if I won them for free! So them being in the city next tome is probably going to be the closest for me to be near them, and I'm excited about that, but I'm also deadly jealous that I won't be able to go and see them. The worst part is, I know people who are going, and they didn't pay for the tickets, their mom brought it for them six months ago? just to make sure they will be able to go and see them. So you now hopefully will know how I feel!
Other than that, my life is super boring. I have virtual online school, but I don't get it. It is just soo complicated.
And now I'mm off to bed, I will probably try to cuddle with my pillow to end it up by throwing it a one of my brothers who are sleeping in my room tonight. Why you might ask? Simply because they couldn't sleep at their room, and mom's room was locked, so they came to mine. Even though I said no they just won't listen to me. Not that I accepted them to, they never listen.
I have no idea why I wrote this, couse I know for fact that no one is actually reading my blog, nor any one in the future will. So I probably wrote it just to let it out probably? To feel better inside, and pretend that I actually told someone? yeah, that's probably it. So, if someone was actually there! HEYY ! And thank you for reading my crap! Even though I know now for sure you won't do it again. It's okay buddy! I appreciate it anyway. ;)
Contact me? So we could be friend? I would absolutely love to make new one! It would give me something to do in my so-called-my-supper-amazing-summer.
Email: - huda.hashem@hotmail.com
- huda.butterfly@gmail.com
Twitter: @HoudaHashemxx
Instagram: @HoudaHasemxx
What else do I have? Well that's probably it, or at least that's what I use for now!
Houda xoxo
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